Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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