How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
