: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
