Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my shit smells like andre
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
