then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
