I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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