I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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