Old men and throwing up are my life now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
