I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
