one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
