I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
