She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
