We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
