Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We got so high we made milksteak
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
