I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
