I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
