just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
