im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
