I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I could make wine with my vomit
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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