Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
