I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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