my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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