ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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