I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
