Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
