Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
