She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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