suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
