Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i will never coherently bang her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
