WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
