I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
