Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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