Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
