She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
