Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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