toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
