and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
