Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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