so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
