just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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