so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
