There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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