And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
a search helicopter?!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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