: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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