speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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