it's too hot outside to masturbate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
