i barfeds in our rink
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
