Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
