think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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