wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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