Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
