Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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