Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
