mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
